THE BAD BEGINNING

Dear Internet User,

I'm sorry to say that the book that this summary is summarizeing  is extremely unpleasant. It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children. Even though they are charming and clever, the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe. From the very first page of this book when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news, continuing on through the entire story, disaster lurks at their heels. One might say they are magnets for misfortune.

In this short book alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast.

It is my sad duty to summarize these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from closing down this website at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing.

With all due respect,
The Webmaster

        

Pages: 176

Clue in Ending Illustraiton: A snake wrapping around a lamp post

Count Olaf's Disquise: N/A

Guardian: Count Olaf

Beatrice Dedication:

To Beatrice-
darling, dearest, dead.

 

 

 

THE REPTILE ROOM

 

Dear Internet User,

If you have pulled up this summary with the hope of finding a simple and cheery tale, I'm afraid you have picked up the wrong webpage altogether. The story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire children spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle, but don't be fooled. If you know anything at all about the unlucky Baudelaire children, you already know that even pleasant events lead down the same road to misery.

In fact, within the book you now may be holding in your hands (assuming you have hands), the three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odor, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp, and the reappearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again.

I am bound to summarize these tragic events, but you are free to put this book back on the shelf and seek something lighter.

With all due respect,
The Webmaster

 

Pages: 190

Clue in Ending Illustraiton: One of the Loaders has 'Lachyramose Leeches' written on the back of their jacket

Count Olaf's Disquise: Stephano

Guardian: Uncle Monty (R.I.P.)

Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
My love for you shall live forever.
You, however, did not.

  

 

THE WIDE WINDOW

 

Dear Internet User,

If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signaling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.

I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,
The Webmaster

Pages: 214

Clue in Ending Illustration: A sign for an eye doctor

Count Olaf’s Disguise: Captain Sham

Guardian: Aunt Josephine (Possibly R.I.P.)

Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.