THE MISRABLE MILL

 

Dear Internet User,

I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this summary because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to close this window instantaneously, because of all the summaries of  the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log.

The pages of the book this summary descsribes , I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and chewing gum.

I have promised to summarize the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

With all due respect,

The Webmaster

 

Pages: 194

Clue in Ending Illustration: Children boarding school bus

Count Olaf’s Disguise: Shirley

Guardian: Sir

Beatrice Dedication:

To Beatrice-
My love flew like a butterfly
Until death swooped down like a bat
As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said:
“That’s the end of that.”    

THE AUSTERE ACADEMY

Dear Internet User,

If you are looking for a summary about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire arc intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.

Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and an advanced computer.

It is my solemn duty to stay up all night summarizeing and tyeping the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some other book.

With all due respect,
The Webmaster

Pages: 221

Clue in Ending Illustration: Fish bumper sticker

Count Olaf’s Disguise: Coach Ghengis 

Guardian: None

Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
You will always be in my heart,
in my mind,
and in your grave.

 

THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR

Dear Internet User,

If you have just reached this website, then it is not too late to hit the back button on your browser and escape to Switzerland. Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be found in the pages of the sixth Lemony Snicket but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to read.

Within the chapters of this story, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire encounter a darkened staircase, a red herring, some friends in a dire situation, three mysterious initials, a liar with an evil scheme, a secret passageway, and parsley soda.

If you decide to read something else instead, you will save yourself from a heapful of horror and woe.

With all due Respect,

The Webmaster

Pages:259                                                                                                                                                                      Count Olaf's Disguise: Gunther                                                                                                                                      Clue In ending Illustration: The crow flying over the orphans                                                                                Guardian: Esme and Jerome Squalor (Now Seperated)

Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
When we met, my life began.
Soon afterward, yours ended.

                                                                                                                                                                  

 

THE VILE VILLAGE

Dear Internet User,

Nobody in their right mind would read this particular summary about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.

I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a summary containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.

It is my solemn and sacred occupation to summarize each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.

With all due respect,

The Webmaster

Pages: 256

Clue in Ending Illustration: Newspaper ad for Last Chance General Store

Count Olaf’s Disguise: Detective Dupin

Guardian: None                               Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
When we were together I felt breathless.
Now, you are.

 

THE HOSTILE HOSPITAL

Dear Reader,

This summary is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful books in the world.

There are many pleasant things to read about, but this books contains none of them. Within its pages are such burdensome details as misleading newspaper headlines, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about such things.

I have sworn to research this story, and to write it down as best I can, so I should know that this book is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.

With all due respect,

The Webmaster

Pages: 255

Clue in Ending Illustration: Madame Lulu poster (half hidden under Violet) in Count Olaf's Trunk

Count Olaf’s Disguise: Mattathias

Guardian: Hal (Sort Of)

Beatrice Dedication:

For Beatrice-
Summer without you is as cold as winter.
Winter without you is even colder.