THE PENULTIAMTE PERIL
Dear Internet User,
If this is the first book you found while searching for a book to read next, then the first thing you should know is that this next-to-last book is what you should put down first. Sadly, this book presents the penultimate chronicle of the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, and the first thing you should know about this next-to-last book is that it is next-to-first in its supply of misery, despair, and unpleasantness.
Probably the next-to-last things you would like to read about are the first things you would encounter in this next-to-last book, including a harpoon gun, a rooftop sunbathing salon, two mysterious initials, three unidentified triplets, a notorious villain, an unsavory curry, and several people you might find distressingly familiar and familiarly distressing.
Next-to-last things are the first thing to be avoided, and so allow me to recommend that you put this next-to-last book down first, and find something else to read next at last, such as the next-to-last book in another chronicle, or a chronicle containing other next-to-last things, so that this next-to-last book does not become the next-to-last book you will read.
With all due respect,
The Webmaster
Pages: 368 pages
Clue in Ending Illustration: A flock of birds flying in from the corner, and possibly a water tower perched on a building.
Count Olaf’s Disguise: None
Guardian: Dewey Denoument (Sort-of; R.I.P.)
Beatrice Dedication:
For Beatrice--
No one could exstinguish my love,
or your house.
Also of note is the Editor Letter. It features a note written on a napkin. In the corner of the napkin, a ship is printed. The note reads, 'To my Kind Editor, the end is near. With all due Respect, Lemony Snicket.' When the handwriting is examined, it can clearly be seen that IT IS NOT LEMONY'S HANDWRITING. When compared with the writing in The Unauthorized Autobiography, they are noteably different. Go look--it's true. <<Turns out to be unimportant.
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THE END
Dear Internet User,
This summary summaries the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can't stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents.
It has been my solemn occupation to complete the online summarization of the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would close this webpage at once, so the end does not finish you.
With all due respect,
The Webmaster
| Pages: 324 pages of the novel, and then an extra section of 13 pages. Release Date: October 13, 2006 Clue in Ending Illustration: None; see Chapter Fourteen below. Count Olaf’s Disguise: Kit Snicket Guardian: None; though Friday and the Islanders could be considered so. Beatrice Dedication: For Beatrice-- I cherished, you perished, The world's been nightmarished.
|
Not a lot is known of this book. All that is known is that (confirmations in italics):
1) It will end the series. (Yes)
2) Violet Baudelaire will visit Briny Beach, and maybe meet the Female Finnish Pirates. (?)
3) A reptile that had previously gone missing will return. (Incredibly Deadly Viper)
4) Seaweed will be used a wig. (By Count Olaf)
5) A sledge will be used in the wrong manner. (To carry away detritus)
6) There will be a storm at sea. (Strands the Baudelaires and Count Olaf on the island)
7) A herd of sheep will make an appearence. (They carry away the detritus on the sledge)
8) The Baudelaires will find themselves on an island. (Yes)
The First Chapter: http://aolsvc.kol.aol.com/bk_fr_swf_container.adp?id=5-365-7445
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Chapter Fourteen is an extra section of 13 pages, treated almost like a seperate book (it has it its own title page, opening picture, and closing picture.) It details what happens to the Baudelaires about one year after they arrive on the island.
This poem is found on the copyright page of Chapter Fourteen:
O Mort, vieux capitaine, il est temps! levons l'ancre!
Ce pays nous ennuie, o Mort! Appareillons!
Si le ciel et la mer noirs comme de l'encre,
Nos cœurs que tu connais sont remplis de rayons!
Translates to:
O Death, old captain, it is time! let us weigh the anchor!
This country annoys us, O Death! Let us install!
If sky and the Black Sea like ink,
Our hearts which you know are filled with rays!
This is a poem of Charles Baudelaire.
(Translated by SYSTRANBox, crossed checked by Google.)
Pages: An extra section of 13 pages.
Release Date: October 13, 2006
Clue in Ending Illustration: There is a large question mark, disguised as several small waves.
Count Olaf’s Disguise: None
Guardian: None, but they have become guardians of Kit's daughter.
Beatrice Dedication:
For Beatrice--
We are like boats passing in the night--particularly you.
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THE BEATRICE LETTERS
FROM BN.COM:
Collected by Mr. Snicket himself and delivered to HarperCollins under cover of night, this exquisite collection of intriguing correspondence sheds light on many of the mysteries surrounding Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Including: This groundbreaking interactive package contains letters between Lemony Snicket and Beatrice as well as letters of the alphabet hidden throughout the package; unscramble it all and you will uncover what the future holds Release Date: September 5, 2006.' 72 pages long (www.amazon.com) The Front and Back of the Book, inserts included:
'The Beatrice Letters (A Series of Unfortunate Events)
The book is about nine inches tall by eight inches wide. It contains two file folders, each marked Letters. In one file folder, notes of correspondence are bound together and labeled The Beatrice Letters. The other file folder contains the poster.
The book reveals...
1) There were two Beatrice Baudelaires that each got Lemony's letters.
2) One of them was pregnant at some point, and is referred to as Mrs. Baudelaire. Lemony hints at this Beatrice beaing pregnant with Violet.
3) Lemony and the First Beatrice met at code school.
4) The alphabet letters in the end papers spell out Beatrice Sank, a reference to the boat the Baudelaires and Count Olaf are on at the end of Book the Twelfth.
5) The poster included depicts the wreckage of the ship the Baudelaire orphans were seen in at the end of Book the Twelfth; Klaus' broken glasses are hanging from a sail line. A piece of the wreckage reads, 'BEAT' and what looks like the top of an 'R'.
6) On the reverse side of the poster is a cave. In the cave, a Snicket-esque bolwer hat sits by an open book about spatulas, a stack of books, and Klaus' glasses. A bat is prominently placed at the top of the page.
7) Beatrice #? had an office above Lemony's at The Daily Punctilio.
When purchased at Barnes and Noble, a complimentary sampler C.D. of The Tragic Tresurary is available with purchase of the book. You may have to ask specially for it. The C.D. contains Scream and Run Away, Crows, and Walking My Gargoyle from Book 1, Book 7, and Book 9, respectivley.
bravenet.com